As a mother, I have realized that the morning after Halloween is officially the “holiday season”. How as a kid did it seem like Christmas took 47 years to come back around and as an adult I feel like as I’m putting away the Easter eggs our Elf on the Shelf blindsides me with an “I’m here” glare? Now it could be that I’ve ventured to Hobby Lobby on July 5th and realized the shelves have been stocked with snowmen and santas as far as the eye can see. Or, like so many things, we just have sooooo much more to prepare for as an adult versus our junior self who basically got to sit around and wait for fun things to be presented.
I love everything fall and Christmas, so I’m definitely not upset that the time of the year is upon us, however I have decided that this year my goal for the next six weeks is to be as non-stressed as possible. As my new muse, Gina DeVee would say “I am unavailable for stress” (p.s….her book and podcasts are uhmazing!!). I am beyond blessed to enjoy this season with an unapologetically enthusiastic four year old and a one year old just taking her cues from sissy on how to react to all of the hub-bub. The last thing I want is for my default method of overwhelm to set in and ruin the mood for everyone.
Now, I do realize that this goal is easier said than done so I’ve decided to compile a list of cues for myself and you lucky readers on how to implement this task. Let me know your thoughts…..
- Say No. Get ready for the full-on assault of “come here”, “help with this”, “me, me, me” to land any minute. Before committing to anything, take a beat to assess if it’s something that will later be regretted. We as women are programmed to be as helpful to everyone else as possible. Unfortunately this often comes with a side of exhaustion and putting our own needs on the backburner. Practice saying no in a firm but friendly way. You don’t have to lie, come up with excuses, or beg someone for forgiveness. Know that you are making the right decision for your own sanity which is then better for your entire family. No guilt needed.
- Prioritize. I am the queen of keeping 735 things in my head and then when I finally have 30 minutes to get something done, I go into overwhelm mode, lash out at Tim, and then don’t accomplish anything. I’m stomping the brakes hard on this annoying pattern. My new practice is to think what should I do in this moment that will help me the most? I also don’t think too much about the days and weeks to come. One day at at time. What can I do right now to help me with today. What truly is a priority (order Christmas gifts) and what can wait (tidy up the living room for the 30th time).
- Don’t Procrastinate. If I’m the queen of overwhelm, I’m the princess of procrastination. My old self works best under pressure. However, my new mom-self finds that pressure= stress= being a grump with the kids for not “letting me” get things done. Over it. I encourage you to do the same. Get the Christmas cards ordered, make the travel arrangements, buy the wrapping paper, freeze the casserole. Whatever it is that you typically get stressed about last minute, do now.
- Be Spontaneous. This may seem counterintuitive to my previous point, but hear me out. The holidays are filled with “traditions” aka shit you have to do every year just because. I found that scheduling a time on the weekend to get to the pumpkin patch to achieve that quintessential “we’re at a pumpkin patch” annual photo was causing me stress this year. So guess what, we didn’t go! Gasp! What will social media think? Screw it. Somehow we all had amazing childhood memories without our parents having the need to announce every step of how great of a family we were. Don’t put the pressure on yourself to do all the things every year. If it’s something very important to you, like participating in your church’s fundraiser, then put it on the calendar and make it a priority. Otherwise, see what you feel like doing in the moment. Bake cookies, look at lights, watch your favorite movie, but don’t do any of it purely because “it’s a tradition” if your joy isn’t in it.
- Have a Plan B. If shipping delays or travel cancelations have you anxious, I get it. If you’re able to shop now, great! If money is a bit tight and you can’t, still try not to stress. Come up with a back-up option. If you’re not able to get said toy at said big-box store, what’s another method? Consignment stores, eBay, or a friend with a child similar in age would make for a perfect toy-swap situation. Support local farmers if you’re not able to get all of your Thanksgiving needs at your chain store…..actually support local farmers even if you can! Flight gone awry? Can you handle a drive? Don’t let circumstances outside of your control steal your peace. Come up with the ideal situation, come up with a less than ideal situation, and then que sera, sera.
- Practice Self Care. This should be our number one priority at all times outside of basic needs. But, it gets flung to the bottom of the heap often never to be uncovered, especially this time of the year…..especially for moms. Stop it. Stop putting yourself last, asking for permission, or feeling guilty. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel more like yourself. Hair, nails, a new top, a hot bubble bath, a workout, a nap. The family will survive for an hour without you….and appreciate the better mood you’re in afterwards. You’re worth it and will be more awesome for it.
- Be Present. My girls are growing by leaps and bounds. So are your kids. Follow my above points so that you can be a part of their pure happiness during the holiday season. It’s the little things that they will remember. Singing silly Christmas songs, buying that tacky inflatable decoration, and enjoying being with you…..the happy you….not the stressed out chaotic you. If this means you have to hire some help, then do it! Get the housekeeper, hire the neighbor kid to rake leaves, whatever. If it alleviates stress on you, allows you to spend more time doing the meaningful things, and crosses things off the list, it’s totally worth the cost. Remember you’re a woman, mom, and wife. You’re not a work horse whose value comes from how much you can get done on your own.
- Make Decisions Out of Joy. What lights you up? What do you truly enjoy about the holiday season? Over the next two months, make a habit out of doing one thing every day that brings you joy. When you fill your “happy o’ meter” (science term), then doing the mundane tasks seem less taxing. If you constantly put the joyful experiences at the bottom of the to-do list, it’s a recipe for becoming grumpy and resentful. Trust me. Flip your mindset and don’t put pressure on yourself at every moment to be productive. You’re not giving up on a project by extending the timeline. You’re living your awesome life with your precious little ones.
Always remember that you’re doing an amazing job! Don’t get caught up in the comparison game, especially this time of year. A life lived with joy is a well lived life sans whatever social media is trending. You know deep down what lights you up. Channel that and watch how your days and seasons change. Watch also how your relationships with your loved ones change. Happiness is catching, laughter should be a priority every day, and you get more of what you put out there. You got this, mama!
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