Ok survival may seem a bit dramatic, but if you’ve read my other sleep-related posts, you are aware that sleep is a huge priority for me. I am not the kind of gal who can sneak 4-5 hours in and push through. I despise feeling tired as all the motivation and patience for the day disappear and out comes allll the emotions and sugar cravings. I’m not here for it. I need my rest to be a productive, responsible, contributor to society. Not being in control of my nighttime sleep schedule has been one of the hardest and on-going transitions into motherhood. Because the sound of her crying sent my anxiety levels into the danger zone, we never sleep-trained Lyla. This is why my almost five-year-old sleeps most nights on a pillow cot on the floor of Tim and my room. No judgement. This is a shame-free zone. You can read more about my journey with her in this post. So, when Rose came along (Lyla had just turned three), I knew I couldn’t go another three years without regular sleep. I battled through the crying (hers and mine) and got her sleep trained and sleeping through the night at 6 months. You can learn what we did in this post.
There were a few hiccups here and there, but for the most part it was awesome. The girls would still wake us up on occasion, but bedtime was no longer a battle and sleep no longer an allusive dream. Rose napped twice a day and even would say “night night” when she wanted to be done singing songs (part of our nap and bedtime routine). A quick lay down in the crib, bunny, blanket, and she would happily grin and roll over to sleep. Yes! I had done it! After four years of not handling the sleep thing correctly, I had nailed it.
Fast forward to about two months ago. Rose was 21 months old and we were transitioning her from two naps per day to one. Suddenly, she wouldn’t nap at all. She just stood in her crib and cried. I would check on her, but this seemed to only make matters worse. Lyla has quiet time in her room while Rose naps, so this is my one chance during the day to get a workout in. So since nothing seemed to pacify Rose, I would just let her cry in hopes she would tire herself out. Nope. Apparently tenacity isn’t a problem with kiddo #2. The child would stand in her crib for an HOUR AND A HALF and just lay her head on the metal crib rail while she half-heartedly wailed. It was awful. I had to turn the sound down on the monitor just to keep my anxiety levels in a non-panic attack realm. With one eye on the screen as I’m downward dogging my way through my workout, this prevailed for seven days. My normally serene nap time had disappeared and I had no clue what to do….except wait it out. Experience from baby one proves that everything is a phase….so wait I shall.
Then, the unthinkable happened. She wouldn’t go to sleep at night either!! Same exact scenario as naptime. Jammies, book, milk, rock, songs, lay in crib, immediately standing up, crying, complete and total meltdown! I was rattled, but I put my “I’m not a new mom” big girl panties on and knew what to do. “We wait it out” I told my husband. So, we packed up our dinner, headed upstairs to the bonus room (where we could almost not hear the crying), I grabbed my bottle of Adaptiv to huff away the anxious feelings, and we waited……for six freaking hours!!! This girl did not lay down one time. She stood there with that poor little head on the crib rail until 1am. Y’all, I felt like a monster. Who in their right mind lets a child go through this type of torture? Well, you’re looking at her. Suspect numero uno right here. The mom that was terrified to scar her firstborn by letting her cry at night had just psychologically damaged the second child in a matter of one evening. The next night, the same thing. For five hours. Night number three, Tim rubbed her back until she fell asleep….what she wanted all along, but her wicked mother had refused. Let me stop myself right there. I am a stay at home mom which means I handle every nap and assist with each bedtime….every day….seven days a week…..for the rest of forever. There is no way I have the patience to play the “rub her back and then sneak out of her room….damnit I stepped on one of the landmine talking toys and now she’s awake and I’ve got to start the whole process over again” game. No. Not for me. I would lose my freaking mind. I will be completely honest with you. This difference of opinions did cause some squabbling between Tim and me. He was in it for the short game…rub her back, she falls asleep, done. I knew what this path would lead to and I refused. Luckily on night two, he lost his footing of his personal plan after his third attempt to sneak out of her room failed. So, we were back to my somewhat of a plan to just be terrible, awful, no-good, very bad things and let her cry.
We tried a modified approach where we would go in and check on her once an hour. We tried this approach for approximately one night and realized it didn’t work. We would go in to check on her and it would simply start everything all over again. This kid has determination like nothing I’ve ever witnessed! So, back to the torture method we went. Put her to bed, good vibes, zero back rubbing (which was heartbreaking as she’s crying out “back…back”), let her cry herself to sleep, squabble with your spouse as you’re both stressed out as hell, pray you were doing the right thing, go to sleep, wake up to the happiest chipper toddler as if nothing had ever happened, repeat.
It took two weeks that felt like an eternity, but we made it through! Fast forward to now and she’s back to taking her nap each day and bedtime is a breeze. Here are just a couple of tips for when you find yourself dealing with this deceptively innocently titled “two year sleep regression”.
- Remember This Too Shall Pass. This is much easier said than done when you’re in the thick of it, but it’s true. Kids are changing daily, and it will not go on forever. That being said, give yourself grace. It is hard! Don’t feel bad if you need to yell, cry, or eat that pint of Rocky Road. Listening to your baby cry is a definite form of torture, so grab your Air Pods, go to the farthest room in the house away from the nursery, or drive around the block. Do what you need to do to make it through.
- Go With Your Gut. It’s so freaking hard to know what the right thing to do is. Seek advice from friends or your pediatrician but try not to get wrapped up in all of the outside noise. Usually, your intuition will lead you if you take the time to tap into it.
- Stick to Your Guns. Once you know your plan, stick to it! Switching gears only prolongs the progress and frustrates everyone involved….including the kid. If you have sleep trained and this sleep regression pops up on your typically slumbering babe, don’t change what you’ve been doing. He or she will go back to their normal routine. If you create a new habit (rubbing the back) be prepared to do this from now on. How do I know this? When Lyla started having nightmares, Tim slept in her room to get her to sleep…..he did this for four months until we listed our house for sale and I refused to deflate an air mattress before each showing!! Don’t start something you don’t want to finish.
- You’re Not Damaging Your Kids. The fact that you’ve made it this far into this post goes to show that you are trying. You are choosing out of love. You’re not neglecting, you’re not being selfish, you’re not being mean. You are making the best choice long term for you and your family. They….and you will get through this phase unscathed.
There you have it folks, my story and best advice on how to make it through the dreaded 24 month sleep regression. May we never have to venture into these sleepless waters again. But, until then, take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, and congratulate yourself for being an amazing parent every day.
