Ok, first priority unless you frequent mommy forums, you probably don’t know that….S.A.H.M. stands for stay-at-home-mom. You’re welcome for saving you the Google. I am very fortunate to say that I have never been a working mom. I have dabbled with a part time gig or two over the last five years, but my number one hustle has been the baby toddler shuffle. I am blessed. I have no qualms understanding that being able to stay home with your babies is a privilege and I thoughtfully chose this path for myself. My husband works very hard to make this a possibility for us and I scrimped and saved our way through a debt snowball to get us into a more comfy situation financially. Ok, so you’ve heard me, right? Let me shout it out: “I’m lucky and I know it!” Check. Now, hear this. Being with your children at all times is no joke. Especially when they are young……I can only assume they become a bit more self-sufficient as they age, but alas we haven’t reached that interface quite yet. I literally am “on” from whatever time their sweet little heads rocket off those pillows until they’re back down again. This is typically a 6am-7pm gig for me on most days. What’s more…..there is no weekend. And if they’re not sleeping all night…..no clocking out. And no lunchbreak. You see where I’m going with this? I am in mom mode 24/7….forever and always. I love being a mom, but my desire to just be “Krista” can get lost. I am extremely grateful to have Tim (the husband) who genuinely enjoys time with his girls…..and also tag-teams in cooking dinner and matters around the house. We are quite far from a stereotypical 1950s family where mom and dad had set roles. We are a team. I also have a mom and aunt who live close by and are always up for babysitting. I cannot imagine not having support via family…..just in case you’re pregnant and thinking of moving to some remote location…..support with young kids is a game changer!
Even with such a great family dynamic, mom burn-out is a thing. Plus, you throw in the fact that I am an introvert who thrives off of alone time and you have a recipe for the “get me outta here” blues. It happens. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. When I need a break it’s a physical feeling that sets in. I’m on edge, moody, and defeated. It took me a while to recognize this feeling, but now I can identify it and know the steps to feel better….usually just a few hours by myself does the trick. If you are a stay at home mom, I’m sure you can relate to this. At a certain point, you have emptied your proverbial cub. To be the best you, you need to refill that cup. It’s so cliche at this point, but it’s just too true to not repeat. “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. It means that if you’re depleted, you’re not able to give to others. By putting yourself first instead of everyone else’s needs, you actually can be better for them. If it feels selfish, or you have the dreaded mommy guilt, just remind yourself that you’re actually doing it for them.
Here are some ways I practice self-care on a typical week:
- Get up Early. This may seem counter-intuitive when all you want is more rest. And I will say that this suggestion definitely depends on what season of life you are in. When I had a newborn, this did not apply. You would find me in the bed until dragged out. But, when things are “normal” I love getting up before the rest of the household. I’m an early bird by nature, but I think you can evolve into one if you realize how much of a difference it makes to get a jump start before the kids. Rachel Hollis says it best by stating that if you are woken up by your children, you are immediately on the defense. If you have some time to start your day solo (not being demanded upon), you are playing offensively and more in control of your morning. I get up between 5 and 5:30 ideally. My tips would be to stay off your phone or TV if possible, have a hot tea or coffee, read a chapter in a book, journal, stretch, or browse your favorite blogs. Do something that elevates and makes you feel good first. Then prep lunches, fold clothes, shower, etc. Whatever helps get you started for the day.
- Hot Bath. I am an Aquarius and you put me near any water source, and I instantly relax……unless it’s deep dark water……this mermaid prefers a nice shallow and bright body of water. I.E….balcony overlooking the ocean, not a dingy in the middle of the Pacific. Ok, now that we’ve cleared that up. I’m the gal that will take a 30 minute shower. I’ve been that way since old enough to shower. I also adore….yes it’s that real….adore a hot bath. I try to squeeze these in at least twice a week. I get the water going, drop in a couple of drops of Adaptiv or Vanilla, turn on my diffuser, do a quick mud mask (once a week), que up Miles Davis on Pandora, and plop into that bath with my current book. It’s magic.
- Skin Care Routine. I stared a proper skin care routine a little over two years ago. Prior, it just wasn’t something that I was willing to invest in. However, once I started it, I was hooked. It’s about five steps most mornings and since I don’t have to wear makeup very often, it’s all I basically do to my face. And I love it! I love how it feels, how it smells, and how it makes my face all dewy once it’s on. I feel like I’m nourishing my skin and taking a few minutes to care for myself. The system that I personally use is Verage by doTERRA. I use all four steps: wash, toner, serum, and lotion and I use the under eye roller. In the evenings, I typically don’t wash again unless I’ve applied makeup that day. Then I use the Immortelle roller and Yarrow Pom. Whatever system you choose, revel in the care that you’re giving your skin instead of dreading the multi-step processes. Revel in the extra attention for your face and tell yourself over and over how gorgeous you are…..even if you don’t believe it at first. Your brain is easier to trick than you think.
- Exercise Regularly. I have never been one to go to the gym every day. Since having kids, this option has become even more limited. I tend to bounce around from tv workouts and haven’t really stuck with a specific schedule. Honestly, I just found a routine that I love this year. We purchased an inexpensive stationary bike last year which saw a couple of sessions and then got ignored for a few months. Never to be one to waste money, I started using it again. My session currently is a 10 minute bike ride where I listen to a pod-cast, a few quick stretches, then a 30 minute Yoga session, followed by a 10 minute meditation. Y’all….I love this routine!! In past workout stints, I had tried doing HIIT and other challenging workouts that I HATED!! That’s why I didn’t stick with it. I didn’t look forward to what I was doing. This new routine is actually feeding my soul (podcast and meditation) and my body (bike and yoga). I do this 4-5 days per week typically while the girls have nap/quiet time. It never feels daunting or like a waste of my precious down time because I enjoy it so much. Find a routine that you love even if it’s not the newest best fad or the hardest sweat session. If you like it, you will stick to it. You will feel good and you’ll see results.
- Mother’s Day Out. If you are a stay at home mom, paying for child care can seem superfluous. You feel that your “job” is to take care of these kiddos, right? I get it and I’ve been there. Here’s the deal though, kids need socialization. They need play time with peers….not just you…..not just siblings. We don’t live in an era where you can just send your kid out to play with the neighborhood…..not that you would be doing that with your two year old, but you see my point. Kids need to be with other kids…..and they need breaks from us! This is a big reason we started Lyla in a Mother’s Day out program when she was two. The other reason…..I was about to go bat-shit crazy. I needed a break! Dropping her off that first day was odd, but liberating! I was free! I could shower, eat a hot meal, freaking do cartwheels naked…whatever I wanted to do! The great thing is that even now, two and half years later, her favorite days are school days. She loves it! We found a local church that offers two days a week from 9-2. Figure out how to make the finances work and do it!!
Alright all my frazzled mamas out there…..you’ve got the suggestions….now pick one! Better yet, come up with your own list. Sit for a few minutes and think….”If I had one hour to myself, I would……blank.” Not what should I do or what needs to be done. “What do I want to do?” Then, make it a priority. “Once a week, I want to go into the bonus room and work on a puzzle for two hours.” Great! Schedule it! “Every second Tuesday of the month I want to meet up with a friend for cocktails.” Yes! Get it booked! Whatever fills your soul and turns you back into you and not just “mama” is what you need. If you constantly put your own needs last….guess what….they are never met. Ya know why? That to-do list is never done. Go ahead and put yourself at the top of that list and watch how your mood improves. Watch the resentment melt away. Watch how your relationships with your husband and kids get better.
Let me know how it goes.
