The holiday season is about to be in full force! If you’re like me, then you’re here for it. However, as I stare through my rose-colored glasses with visions of cozy moments in front of the fireplace lazily gazing at my loved ones and sipping coffee; I am annoyingly aware that things in reality often look less like a Hallmark movie and more like Clark Griswold’s newel post moment. Through therapy and meditation, I am realizing things about myself. One of those things is that I tend to go into “overwhelm mode” fairly easily. An amazing thing about the woman’s brain is that we multitask at optimum speed. The bad thing about this is that there can be approximately 267 thoughts bouncing around simultaneously in the ole’ noggin at any given moment. I’m pretty sure this elevates to 532 thoughts during the holiday season. I get too many things in my head battling for attention and poof! overwhelm hits. This then equals anxiety, which equals me not enjoying any of the fun of the season. A little tip if there are any husbands reading this: telling your wife “It’s not a big deal” or to “calm down” may result in a tragic candy cane accident. The worst they’ve ever seen. Just saying.
So, my mantra for going into this season is to remind myself that, despite how I frequently feel, I am actually in control. I was recently listening to a Podcast, and it mentioned that as a parent, the kids are taking their cues mostly from us (mamas). At least energetically. If you are relaxed, go with the flow, and lighthearted, it’s likely that the rest of the family will have more of these moments and less of the tense high stress ones. Don’t let this feel like a burden, but a reminder of just how powerful you are. The number one key in achieving this Zen state is to really dial into what’s happening in the moment and try to shut off the outside noise and to-do lists. “Fabulous! Great! In your ideal little head, Krista, this sounds awesome, but you forget that this is the time of the year where we have to do allllll the things. Visit every family member, shop til we drop, send out 100 Christmas cards, sew my kid’s lobster costume, and make sure the freaking Elf has re-wallpapered the half bath.” I get it. But, we have the power to reset the pace. Here are 3 ways to help you become more present and actually enjoy the next two months.
- Stop the Traditions. Blasphemy you say! We must adhere to the Pinterest list with a different fun and well planned out activity every day in December!! Mmmhmmm. Yep. If you want to and this comes naturally for you, go for it! For me, trying to make sure we check every single holiday box stresses me out. Traditions are lovely, but what once maybe just meant baking cookies in a cozy kitchen has evolved into dozens of fun (in theory) things that we have to do each season, or we feel somehow that we’ve failed as parents. I am not immune to this feeling and Tim keeps me in check. I am literally putting this pressure on myself, and I am literally the only one who actually cares. Read that again. Kids will remember the time together and more importantly how mom and dad acted through the holidays. Stressed or relaxed. Instead of jam-packing your schedule, try this year to make your new tradition being spontaneous. Or if that word gives you hives (hello, fellow control freaks), you can simply call it “doing what the hell you feel like doing”. Lean into the mood and spirit of the moment instead of planning everything out and then feeling down if it doesn’t come together seamlessly.
- Quit the Comparison Game. Forgeit, right now. 30 years ago, keeping up with the Jones’s next door may once have been annoying, but at least attainable. Fast forward to the days of Instagram and suddenly you feel that if your house doesn’t mimic the North Pole, you don’t have the most perfect Christmas Eve outfit on the market, and you’re not making homemade foaming lattes daily you’re somehow just not fulfilled. Stop it!!! Yes, some of us need social media as a work tool and some of us need it to stay in touch with family and friends, but the endless scrolling not only steals your precious time, it steals your joy. You are guaranteed to feel like you’re not doing enough if you’re constantly staring at a myriad of professional influencers giving us bits and pieces of their staged lives. Get in the habit of setting aside a certain amount of time each day to get your scroll on, and then stay off of it. This will likely mean putting your phone somewhere at least 5 feet away from you to break the habit. It’s worth it! I realize kids don’t need our attention at all times and we should remind them that the world doesn’t revolve around them, but I am so grateful I grew up in the 90s when my parents weren’t in distraction mode at all times. The little ones are watching you at all times!!! They see you not seeing them. Be present and practice gratitude for your life instead of comparing it to others.
- Get the Kids Involved. Even with my first two tips, your to-do list will still be longer than normal for the next few weeks. Find creative ways to let the kids help. Lyla for the last two years has absolutely loved putting the Christmas stamps onto our Christmas card envelopes (If you get one from us, this is why it’s crooked btw). Let older siblings wrap the younger ones’ gifts. Will they look horrendous? Yes! But will the kids have fun, and the gifts get wrapped? Absolutely! I can still remember my aunt patiently showing me how to properly wrap the corners decades ago. It’s one of those small memories….and talents…..that is still with me today. I know often it’s just “easier to do it myself”, but this is a great opportunity to involve your family in creating a holiday versus just being on the receiving end. I also recommend asking the kids “what do you want to do” instead of taking the initiative on all the activity planning. They may surprise you and simply want to sit down and play a game or do a puzzle versus doing “insert one more tradition that must be done to make family happy”. It also gives you one more opportunity to connect on their level and engage doing something they enjoy.
I hope this list gives you some motivation! Try letting this be your mantra over the next two months: “Presence over perfection”.
