We recently enjoyed a week long trip to the coast with a wonderful group of friends. We try to do this “friendscation” every three years and this is our fourth trip. The first time we went in 2013, there were eight adults and one baby. Tim and I actually got engaged on the beach at sunset. Fast forward eight years and the group has expanded a bit. Our circus now consists of the same eight adults and eleven children ages 1-9. Table for 21 please! Yea, we eat at the house a lot. We actually brought two babysitters along for the ride this time, which was an amazing game changer! Even with the extra hands, it is definitely much more of a “trip” than a “vacation”. Parents of young kids, you get this difference.
A pre-kids vacation used to mean lounging in the morning, eating breakfast, grabbing a cooler and a magazine before strolling leisurely down to the beach, plopping myself in a lounger, and frolicking in the ocean to cool off from time to time. Then, eventually heading up to the condo to get ready for a nice dinner out. Now it’s more of a marathon. Baby’s up at 6am, breakfast, baby’s back down at 9, but Lyla’s ready to go to the beach, swimsuits, sunscreen, mom and dad divide and concur, baby’s up from nap, sunscreen, swimsuit, carry baby down to the beach, don’t eat the sand, don’t crawl into the water, hold baby ’til your arm’s numb, Lyla’s ready for the pool, haul 39 items to said pool while holding baby, lunch time, everyone up to the condo……you get the idea. It took me a couple of trips to realize vacation days of the past were on hiatus until the girls are a bit older.
Another post-baby change in the beach game was my feeling about putting on a bathing suit. I am fortunate to never have been overweight and in my 20s would happily throw a bikini on without a second thought. Now, in my mid-thirties and two babies in, the thought process is a bit more involved: “can I even wear a bikini?”, “hey fellow mom-friend, do you still wear bikinis?”, “one pieces make my silhouette look like the Grinch”, “ok, I won’t be burned at the stake if I put on a two piece, but maybe something with some lift”, “why the hell can’t I order a bottom in one size and a top in another?, thanks a lot, Amazon”. And these were just the initial thoughts in preparation for the trip. A whole myriad of self-consciousness evolves once the suit is actually on: “ok, I look decent….not great but not awful”, “uh-oh mom tummy goes on the prowl when I bend over….or sit up, I’ll just stand perfectly straight at all times”, “when did my hips and butt take over my entire body?”, “tie the top as tight as it’ll go…harness the girls up!”, “sand on legs=welts because my thighs rub together at all times”, “maybe just keep the cover-up on”.
Sound familiar? You may not even have to be a mom to relate to my annoying inner dialogue. As we evolve, our bodies shift. Honestly, the scale is about the same from when I got pregnant with Lyla, but things just seem to be much curvier in new places and slightly less perky in others. I personally have found this a hard pill to swallow. I eat healthy (most of the time) and I work out (fairly regularly). I don’t diet nor do I want to be one of those women forever stuck in the maze of yo-yo diets. I’ve seen this. I know how frustrating and detrimental it can be and I refuse to spend the better portion of my life with that awful pattern being the norm.
So, what’s a gal to do? Here are my thoughts and tips for those like me who are on a constant journey to love their new shape:
- Don’t look at celebrities. This is hard rule as we’re bombarded with them constantly and they somehow are meant to set the standard for the rest of us. I’m not saying it’s not possible for a body to come out looking flawless after child-birth, but I’d venture to say that 97% of what we see out there in tinsel town and online is not without some assistance. At the very least, these women have the best dieticians and personal trainers money can buy. At the more likely end of the spectrum, they’ve had “mommy makeovers” which typically includes a boob job, tummy tuck, and liposuction. I am not anti-surgery if that’s your journey, but you can’t compare yourself to your favorite Instagram influencers with five kids and an eight-pack. Know they’ve likely had some professional assistance and are not just “working harder” than you.
- Remember the Miracle. I did an online Barre class meant for new moms a few months after having Rose and the instructor did a great job in guiding us not only in the workout, but with the mental game as well. Remember that your body did something amazing. It brought life. And not just any life, the most precious life in your life….those beyond special kids that you would do anything for. Your body gave you those gifts. Your body created miracles. Did it get a little stretched and tugged on along the way? Yup. Is it still worth celebrating? Absolutely! I literally cried while holding my squats as she offered her words of wisdom. When I’m feeling extra down about the new paunch or Elastigirl hips, I repeat this to myself.
- Develop a mantra. A mantra is a phrase (affirmation) that you say over and over to yourself to get a point across. Self-dialogue is powerful and getting the right thoughts in your head can go a long way in almost all aspects of life. We beat ourselves up more than any outside source and we would never say the things to others that we have on repeat internally. Change this. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend. “I am strong, amazing, and resilient.” “I will love myself to teach my children to love themselves”. “I am thankful for a strong healthy body”. Pick whatever makes you feel the most empowered and say it over and over to yourself every day until you believe it.
- Pay attention to what makes your body thrive. I almost said what makes your body feel “good”, but there is an important difference here. That half a sheet cake and latte may make you feel “good” at first, but give it half an hour and you’ll likely feel pretty queasy and regretful. Tune into yourself. I’ve noticed that I’m bloated a lot more often post-second baby. So, I’m learning what foods may be contributing to this. Do you feel sluggish during certain times of the day? Yes, we’re parents so we’re tired a lot. But, what do you reach for during that afternoon slump? Does it truly help you, or just forces you into a sugar buzz to get over the hump?
- Take care of yourself. To piggyback off my previous point, pay attention to your body signals, and then prioritize your health. The number on the scale really doesn’t matter as much as how you are feeling. If you have good natural energy, not bloated, and well hydrated you’re going to feel like a million bucks despite a goal weight. Get sleep when you can, eat good whole natural foods that help your body do what it’s supposed to do, drink tons of water and herbal tea, find an exercise regimen that you enjoy and energizes you, read books and listen to pod casts that help with mental health, and reward yourself with fun nights out or a sexy new outfit versus food. I’m not saying never indulge, but don’t let that be your only motivation to do well the rest of the time.
- Look forward, not back. It’s so easy to find yourself trapped in a Facebook photo album from college. Admiring what once was. I’ve done it. But, here’s the thing, you’re not moving backward, you’re moving forward. Be gentle with yourself, but use your newfound wisdom to appreciate what once was while embracing what is to come. You may not ever fit into that miniskirt from 2001, but that’s ok. You are still amazing at every age and you have so much more to be grateful for now than ever. The past (if you’re lucky) was awesome and you’re blessed to have wonderful memories, but the future is exciting as it’s anything you wish it to be.
- Update your wardrobe. Speaking of that denim mini-skirt, unless you’re saving it for your daughter’s dress-up kit, it’s probably time to ditch it. Yes, most of us moms experience guilt around soooo many areas of life, including spending money on ourselves. But, try to get over it. Part of embracing your new shape is to honor it by dressing it well. Pull everything out of your closet and dresser, try everything on. What fits, what’s stained, are there maternity pieces still lingering,? Purge. Then, figure out what you need to pull outfits together and also what styles make you feel awesome. We’re not going for “this will do”. You know those outfits that instantly make you stand taller. That’s how you honor yourself and your body. Then the fun part, get a budget together and get to shopping. From underwear and bra sets that actually match, to new PJs, to athleisure wear, to sexy date night outfits, fill your closet with items that get you excited to get dressed and offer a little side boost of confidence.
Suggested tools and items:
- Up your vitamin game. I’ve been on these supplements for about four years now and love how they make me feel physically and emotionally and the fact that I’m supporting my body on a cellular level. Here’s a post with my journey with them.
- Drink soooo much freaking water. You don’t need soda, juice, energy drinks, bottled lattes, or any other random weird potion on the market out there. You need basic H2O and a lot of it. Carry a cute glass or metal bottle around with you and get to chugging. Incorporate some green tea in your afternoon for a change of pace and added nutrients.
- My current workout consists of one of these 15 minute videos, then a 30 minute yoga session, and trying to meditate for 10 minutes. I say trying because it’s truly something you have to practice. Slowing the mind down doesn’t come naturally to most of us. I do this regimen during the girls’ afternoon nap/ quiet time 3-4 times a week.
- Invest in a new workout outfit. Since I work-out at home, I love that I can wear a cute outfit that I wouldn’t likely wear to a studio. After I went two weeks without any desserts, I rewarded myself with this pair of leggings and matching sports bra. They are so cute, beyond comfy, and I feel put-together with a matching set.
- If you’re needing some help getting your mind right, try this book. It was recommended by a friend and I’ve read it through twice already. Her sense of humor is a refreshing voice in the world of self-help.
- Eating whole foods isn’t tricky, but finding reliable recipe options can be. I love this book!! She also has tons of recipes on her website. This is what got me started into the world of non-processed foods.
What are your tips for staying in love with your ever evolving body at all phases?
Photo courtesy of SNL. Please note that this post contains affiliate links. You can read more here.
